Archive for March, 2008

Life’s Toughest Question

Posted in Blogs, God, Religion on March 31, 2008 by Scott

lifequestions.jpgDave Ferguson has an upcoming series on life’s toughest question. And if you could ask God one question knowing he would audibly answer…what would it be.

For me, I don’t know…I’ve already asked them, and at times I’ve screamed them. Why’d my mom have to die at 46…why’d my oldest daughter come into this world with legs bound to a wheelchair?

Maybe someone you love was victimized; you want to know why God didn’t just make the world the way He wanted it and call it done; or you want to know what the lyrics to Sister Christian really mean…anything, but just one.

So…what one question would you ask God? Could you handle the truth?

Floating Axhead Public Apology to Sally Kern

Posted in Christianity, Faith, God, Politics, Religion on March 31, 2008 by Scott

sorry.jpg

We at Floating Axhead, like Dan Rather and CBS before us, wish to publicly apologize to Sally Kern for our previous post.

After appointing a two-person panel to investigate, we have found some errors in our previous post.

Here are the findings:

  • The word “homosexual” is not found anywhere in the Constitution. Therefore Ms. Kern has no Constitutional duty to stand up for anyones rights unless they are straight.
    • However, we did discover that only men are created equal. Sorry ladies.
    • We also couldn’t find the part in the Constitution about restricting rights to others based on your own religious beliefs, but we’re sure that Sally knows where to find it.
  • The United States of America is a Constitutional Republic. As an elected representative, Ms. Kern clearly is right to voice her concern when a minority group with a dissenting opinion attempts to create its own agenda. Imagine the chaos if we let everyone have a voice.
    • Why can’t we leave government to the corporations, wealthy and far-right religious fundamentalists (oops…they are all the same people)?
    • We have no idea what a religious fundamentalist is, but we thought it made us sound like experts.
  • While we’re on the subject of Constitutional Republic…. Only one political party starts with “Republic.” How could you trust any other party?
  • Just because one is a representative doesn’t mean you have to represent everyone. You only have to represent your own personal views. You remember the saying, “Government of Sally, by Sally, for Sally.”
    • The people voted Sally Kern into office so that she could set her own agenda (remember, its okay for her to have an agenda, but no one else).

You’ve got to give it to Sally. While the rest of us were out trying to “love our neighbors as ourselves,” she had the foresight to run for office and attempt to bring homosexuals to Christ by comparing them to terrorists and sponsoring legislation and restrict their rights.

Bravo Sally!

Christianity Falls Thru The Cracks

Posted in Christianity, Culture, Megachurch on March 28, 2008 by Scott

In light of recent comments, here’s to preparing for the volunteers this weekend…

crack.gif“Hi! Welcome to MegaChurch. Talk-thingies?”

031010_lowrise_spot.jpgSorry…wanna join my small group?”

Steeple Envy

Posted in Christianity, Church, God, Megachurch, Prayer, Religion on March 27, 2008 by Scott

We’ve heard the argument that if YOUR church isn’t growing, your not doing something right. But isn’t the goal to grow THE church?

Churches with fewer people in the seats can effect change too (example here). Perhaps less red tape and lower overheard can lead to clarity when it comes to resources, not to mention expediency.

Some mega’s choose to reproduce. Reach a certain size, split and start the process all over again – whether its planting a new church or adding a new site.

Either way, its not the size that matters…it’s how you use it.

So next time you see a small church in a strip mall with ten cars in the parking lot, don’t feel sorry for them – pray that God adds to HIS church through their ministry.

sizematters.jpg

Borrowed from our friend over at nakedpastor.


Lesbian Be-Leaver

Posted in Atheism, Christianity, God, Religion on March 26, 2008 by Scott

spaceball1.gifI saw this letter at C. Michael Patton regarding someone’s departure from the God-thing.

This seems to be another example of the church failing. We readily show grace to someone who admits sexual sin and wants forgiveness, as we should, but when someone is in that place where truth hasn’t quite taken hold of them, and is living a sin in either thought or action, we remove them from the roles until they repent or they are viewed as an unbeliever with unknown sin.

If you’re a tweener…well, we’ll see you when you get there.

Here is her letter… Continue reading

Christian Gameshow Network – Reality Division

Posted in Christianity, Megachurch, Religion on March 25, 2008 by Scott

reality-tv.jpgSince our first television show – False Prophet – wasn’t picked up by anyone, we’ve created our own network….the Christian Game Show Network (CGSN). We thought we’d give you a sneak preview of what our team of reality division writers have come up with so far.

My Church is Better than Your Church

While completely ignoring the community and people outside their door begging for help, Christians argue over who is right or wrong. The winner gets nothing, except the satisfaction of ripping other Christians.

It’s hosted by our new pal, What About – because his church is clearly the greatest and has been excluded from the competition.

Dancing with the Christian Stars

This reality show includes well-known Pastors from every denomination, except the Church of Christ because it includes dancing and musical instruments.

Jackass

The cameras follow self proclaimed religious leaders who say stupid things in the name of Christianity. A stationary camera will be posted at Jerry Falwell’s grave – just in case he has anything to say from the grave.

The Pastor Apprentice

Joel Osteen puts twelve prospective Pastors through rigorous tests each week to determine who will become his Pastor Apprentice. Tune in to see which apprentice will screw up next week’s communion.

We’re really excited about this one because the fourth season will feature our special celebrity Scientology version.

The REAL Real World

Ryan and Jimmy take suburban megachurch members to the inner-city each week to see what the real world looks like.

The American Idol

Jesus competes against greed, pornography, television, gambling, shopping, eating, work, and other American “idols.” We don’t want to ruin it for you, but we know who wins this one.

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

It’s adult church members versus the kids to see who knows more about scripture. Just like the television show, the fifth graders win most of the time.

Flip That Church

Our team of Pastors take over a run-down church with dwindling attendance to see if they can turn it around. If not, they sell the building and land for a huge profit.

Feel free to submit your own ideas and be on the ground floor of this soon-to-be hit new television station.

Monday’s Big Idea

Posted in Church, Culture, Politics, Religion on March 24, 2008 by Scott

drugs.jpg“Pharma companies don’t care about fighting diseases that primarily affect the poor because the poor can’t afford to buy their products. ” – Inspired by the Global Forum for Health Research.

What do you think, is this valid?

Next they might say the Church gives up on those that won’t tithe…