Archive for the Marriage Category

Without Honor

Posted in Faith, Jesus, Marriage, Relationships on June 22, 2008 by Scott

I had a brutal week…embezzlement issues…etc…etc. I had so little bandwidth remaining for other things.

I recently had a conversation with my wife…I told her that her idea of an apology was “you’ll be fine”…to which she replied, “when did I apologize!” Two words came to mind…WOW! and EXACTLY!

Life is like that…timeless moments we hope we’re not remembered for in terms of our character. I read something like this in Mark this past week…

“Where did this man get these things?” they asked. “What’s this wisdom that has been given him, that he even does miracles! Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?” And they took offense at him.

Jesus said to them, “Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor.” He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. And he was amazed at their lack of faith.

As we live the Gospel this week, remember the first two letters…GO! We often get so bogged down with God’s unrevealed will that we never grasp the revealed…GO! And be okay with the fact that those who knew you when may never get it.

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Banning Gay Marriage

Posted in Blogs, Christianity, Family, God, Marriage, Relationships with tags , on May 21, 2008 by Scott

I read a post at Gay Religion regarding California churches and their response to a 4-3 decision in the state to allow legal same sex unions…perhaps also known as marriage.

…As a side note, I’ve never understood the distinction between Gay and Lesbian…obviously male and female, so there’s no discrimination…not sure how one is gender specific…seems ironic.

So as the churches decide whether to allow these couples to wed or not to wed in their buildings based on biblical reasons…God’s law versus man’s law…marriage as an instrument of God to make us more holy, continues to erode.

Not because of these types of laws but because of the people who are supposed to be doing it God’s way don’t. Divorce, and physical and emotional adultery are just as prevalent in “Christian marriages”, so the reality is we need to remove the plank from our own eye.

The biggest threat to God’s plan for marriage is us…the level of mediocrity in Christian marriages is what is tearing down what God put together…half the people walking through our churches are in nothing more than a civil union…they don’t want a Christ-centered marriage…they want a tax deduction…but we blame homosexuals for wanting the same thing under the pretext of God.

We need to be faithful to our first mission field…our marriages…you think God blesses something else we might do when we are neglecting our marriage…maybe…maybe not.

As my former pastor would say, “you’re not in love with her anymore…so…learn how to love her again.”

People often think the great commission is to go and make disciples…I contend it was to love one another…and that starts with our spouses…a different kind of love but one that allows you to love others in security and with great joy.

You want to change marriage in this world…start with the image in the mirror…how about that.

Flirting With The Forbidden Fruit

Posted in Blogs, Christianity, Culture, God, Marriage, Relationships with tags , , on May 15, 2008 by Scott

I read a pretty good article on flirting on a blog at Psychology Today…sometimes the worldly, secular stuff resonates just as much truth because it’s not wrapped in the Kumbaya stuff.

Here are some of my favorite parts about flirting …

  • Flirting creates a relaxing, calm, and enjoyable atmosphere
  • It is a subtle and enjoyable flattery that is closer to praise than to a lie
  • An activity that should be harmless and not lead to anything
  • Caring for others-by listening to and showing interest in them-while not taking them too seriously
  • Honesty together with an element of innocence, as well as a mild level of deception
  • It is a kind of game in which participants move closer to the borderline-and sometimes even step across it-and then move back to a comfortable distance from it
  • “We flirted with and seeked each other constantly, until one day we realized we were not just playing anymore”
  • Typical flirting offers participants an enjoyable, frivolous form of sexual communication with no serious intent; however, often flirting is not restricted to such harmless communication and leads to a sexual relationship
  • Flirting also involves the mystery and uncertainty associated with sex
  • It’s teasing, playing, innuendos-it’s about making someone feel special, it’s about being attentive, it’s about walking on the edge of danger & getting caught
  • When people enjoy flirting for its own sake, it may be commendable
  • Thus, flirting may help to reduce loneliness and boost one’s ego and self-confidence
  • One survey has found that most working-women believe that flirting is good for their health and confidence. Indeed, three out of four of them have flirted with a colleague, while 28 percent have had a sexual relationship with a fellow-worker. Some findings indicate that flirting at the workplace makes people more comfortable around each other
  • The distinction between online sex and flirting is not clear-cut, and the two activities often overlap
  • People are attractive when they are relaxed, feeling good, and enjoying themselves
  • At first it was just a nice friendly chat

I don’t see anything regarding flirting from a place of faith…hmmm.

Anyway, is flirting healthy? Does it help our self esteem to be flirted with and to flirt, and does it strengthen marriages…or is it irrelevant to our marriages…no effect.

Many of these characteristics sound like the people doing church…pastors and attenders. But more importantly, are you flirting with God or are you committed to him?

Plan B

Posted in Culture, Leadership, Marriage on March 7, 2008 by Scott

planb.jpgWe all have them…alternatives in case something doesn’t pan out. Dinner, jobs, cars, churches, dogs, presidents, whatever…it’s our Plan B. Well, I recently read that every relationship I have…everything I love, should do two things…bring glory to God and bring honor to my marriage.

So I was thinking about careers and jobs and margins, and wondering if mine brought glory to God, moreover did it bring honor to my marriage.

I mean it has either hurt or helped my marriage but it hasn’t left it alone. And if it hasn’t helped, why am I hanging on? When our jobs don’t bring glory to God or we don’t bring glory to God through how we do our job, or we don’t bring honor to our marriage, do we hang on because of Plan B?

Do I have a Plan B…?

I read a study one time that said the biggest concern with both spouses working was that it eroded the bond of mutual dependence that God intended between husband and wife…it fed Plan B.

I’ve realized I’m an addict…my addiction is self-addiction. That means I don’t really have a Plan B, it’s just my Plan A doesn’t really include anyone else.

So as God changes my Plan A to have others matter, and it glorifies him and honors my marriage, I want to sell-out to it…because I’m not sure we can die to Plan A with a Plan B.

Six Degrees of Separation

Posted in Blogs, Christianity, Church, Creativity, Jesus, Marriage on January 17, 2008 by Scott

I called my buddy Spencer Stone to go to lunch but he is in New York, and then my blog partner Scott could not get away, so I thought I would prepare my post instead of eat. I was preparing for a post on Bill Hybels and his thoughts on holy discontent when I went over to Old Truth, which led me to Tim Stevens and LeadingSmart.com, which took me to the McMullens of which Daryl is on staff at Granger Community Church where Tim is a pastor. Tim partnered with Tony Morgan on Simply Strategic and Tony is on staff with Perry Noble.

And Tammy McMullen had a post on marriage that I absolutely needed to hear, read, digest and make happen…here are the summary points but please go read it all.

  1. Daryl and I understand that Jesus has to be at the center of all we do.
  2. Daryl and I understand that the next most important thing after our relationship with Jesus is our relationship with each other.
  3. Have a group of other married couples around you who will hold you accountable about your marriage and who have marriages that you want to emulate.
  4. Date your spouse on a regular consistent basis and make it a priority.
  5. Make it a priority to communicate with each other without distraction.
  6. Work towards a goal together.
  7. Have sex on a regular basis.
  8. Don’t become complacent.

Here is to believing and trusting God rightly directs our paths when we walk with him…

The Friend Zone

Posted in Christianity, Church, Community, Culture, Marriage, Movies, Video on January 15, 2008 by Scott

We had a conversation recently about men-women “friendships”, the high level of HOT floating around the church, what we wear and what it says for us.

One of the best explanations of a man/woman relationship happened in “When Harry Met Sally” and Harry just lays it out why friendship between a man and woman doesn’t work. Then an article in Psychology Today outlines how men and women have different types of friendships or at least express their intimacy differently in that friendship…so we really don’t communicate the same in friendships and basically want different things from friendship….but its platonic…yeah right.

So in this culture of serving and small groups, trendy pastors and young assistants in the church, can a man and woman be friends…just friends. Can they both bring the intimacy friendship requires at that level and leave it there, never desiring more. What about married friendships…one, both, whatever…can a man and a woman be friends without being friends with the spouse too, and maintain the purity of thought and action Jesus called us to. Is it wise…is it real?

Does a guy really just want to be friends because she listens…We’re just saying…

Self-Disclosure

Posted in Culture, Marriage, Relationships on January 4, 2008 by Scott

crying_swagger_2.jpgWe were having our BLT (Blog Leadership Team) lunch the other day and mutually agreed that we think men are better at self-disclosure in group settings…meaning more likely to share/admit personal failure and weaknesses. Perhaps because as a whole when challenged and confronted by failure, men get on the performance treadmill and put a goal in front of themselves, which in and of itself is not always healthy but we want to do battle with it.

Women seem to be stronger at disclosing community prayer and support, and helping others with their needs, thus disclosing other people’s failures/weaknesses…sometimes their husbands included. So personal accountability becomes a lower priority through involving yourself in the life of another, which may or may not be healthy depending on the circumstances.

So…as a whole, are men more inclined to unpack their bags in a group and does this correlate to repentance before God as well, and perhaps even marriage? Do women tend to forget their failures more readily and men tend to use them as motivation…both can be a positive and a negative.

What have you experienced?